Guides, change and butterflies 

Butterflies signify change or spiritual transformation. The Native Americans associated change and vibrancy with butterflies because of the incredible transformation they undergo from caterpillar to chrysalis to beautiful, winged butterfly.

I’ve been seeing a lot of butterflies recently; on cards, in the park, carvings on benches and all sorts. To me this is a message from my guides that change is coming, and is needed. Change can be scary and unsettling, however the sight of a darting, colourful butterfly reminds me that change can also be magical and create a sense of freedom for me. A much desired freedom! 

All you need to do is ask your guides for guidance, ask them for a sign, to gain their support. Then be open and present to notice it when it comes. If you have a decision to make or a problem you’re turning over and over in your head, ask for the support of the universe and your guides to show you which direction to move in. 

You don’t need to know what all the animals in the world signify, or anything in particular, they will send you signs that you can understand. They won’t always seem logical, however, and it’s up to you to follow the guidance of you choose. Repeating signs are a clear message from your guides, such as me seeing butterflies everywhere. 

Try it – ask your guides to support you – see what happens… 

With so much love, Gemma đź’–

How do you manifest your dream life? 


Do you ever have the feeling that you’re on a merry-go-round and not really getting any closer to what you really want? That it feels just out of reach; the job, the relationship, the ideal body? 

If I were to ask you to explain to me exactly what it is you desire, what it looks like, what it feels like – would you be able to tell me? So often we have an idea of what we want e.g. A family or a well paid job. But we are not very clear on exactly what that is. 

When we give our ‘order’ for what we most want in life to the universe we must be very clear and specific. Imagine going to a restaurant and placing your order with the waiter like this ‘I’d like something warm, perhaps cheesy, moderately healthy and I want to feel full after I’ve eaten it’. With this vague order you could end up receiving anything from a burger to cheese on toast or a ploughmans. This principle is the same when are making our ‘orders’ from the universe, if we are vague and unsure the universe gives us vague and unsure. It’s essential that we get very specific and clear about what our dreams are. 

Getting clear can be a scary process, especially if you’ve been hurt or experienced failure in that area of life before. It feels like you’re putting yourself on the line and making yourself vulnerable to disappointments if it doesn’t work out. It feels safer to stay vague and not ask for the world, than it does to ask for exactly what you want and have faith the universe will guide you towards it. Think about it, are you ok to live your life like the restaurant example? To take a gamble that you might like what you get, or you might not? 

The key is to get specific, paint a picture for the universe, write it down, create a vision board. I know it can feel scary, but it’s so worth it isn’t it? Start by choosing one area of your life and write down what your dream is in that area. For example if it’s your career it could go something like this…’I love working from wherever I choose on my business. I wake up in the morning feeling energised and excited to get started on my work and make a difference in people’s lives…’ Write in the present tense, as if it’s your current reality, this helps to convince your mind and subconscious that it is a reality – we are literally writing it into being. 

The most effective way to manifest is to connect a strong emotion to your dream. We’ve all experienced how passion can achieve far more than neutrality, take Martin Luther King, look at what he created in his short life because he had passion for his dream. So as you’re writing your dream infuse it with words and scenes that elicit a strong emotion in you; love, excitement, joy. Feel the feelings in your body as you read back over it, feel free to make changes and adjustments to make it feel more emotive. 

Once you are happy with your dream read it everyday, out loud if you can. Create a vision board to bring it life visually, you can even include pictures of yourself on your board. Create the scenes in your imagination as often as you can, feel the feelings of gratitude and joy for living out your dream. And of course be open to guidance and signs for actions to take in order to move closer and closer to your dream. It can be fun! The more you bring your vibration and feelings in line with those of your dream, the more you will naturally attract it into your reality. 

Think of your life as the canvas and you are the painter, or your life is a book and you are the author, you hold the creative power to bring it to life in which ever way your heart desires. 

The Power of Ritual (warning: my soul laid bare)

Last year I was trying to get over my marriage ending, find some resolution, understanding and move on. It’s a process. One particular day I felt very strongly guided to do a ritual for the ending of the my marriage. Funnily enough it was also 4th July, Independence Day for all my American friends. (There was no forward planning on that one.)

This is the spot that I chose, near my home in London, right by the river in a beautiful and private place.

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I wore my rings for the last time while I sat by the river feeling all the waves of emotions that were coursing through me.

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I took a copy of my marriage certificate with me (you need the real one for the divorce – which takes 2 years…so a copy was the practical option). I burnt it as a symbol of the of the ending. There was no malice involved, more of a ‘dust to dust, ashes to ashes’ type mourning vibe.

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It felt important to write a message from my soul to his on the last little piece of the certificate. Words that I couldn’t say to him in person because he would probably think I was a crazy person. I was in floods of tears as the emotions spilled out of me. At this point I should probably add, in the name of authenticity, that I also had a bottle of Prosecco and packet of cigarettes with me.

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Once I had finished saying my goodbyes I rolled the little note into my ring and prepared to throw it in the water. I said so many prayers for him and for me, that the pain would ease, that life would be bright again, that there was some point to all this.

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I threw it in the water and watched it slowly sink. So much beauty and meaning in the middle of so much pain.

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After I was all cried out and a bottle of Prosecco down I decided to go out, by myself, to celebrate the 4th of July. So I did. I went to an event in central London and met some great people and had a fun and crazy night.

It was interesting that I completely followed my intuition to do the ritual, I hadn’t read any suggestions online, I just did what I felt. And it struck me that so many rituals in life involve earth, fire and water. We are baptised in water and cremated in fire or buried in death. I was inexplicably drawn to sit down on the earth, burn my marriage certificate and throw my ring and final love note to my husband in the water. Life and death. Cleansing and detoxifying. Grounding and yet overwhelmingly emotional.

The ending of the story is not ‘and then I was fine and healed and life just got better and better’. No. It was a very special, painful, emotional, deeply loving part of the process. It created more love and acceptance and that is really all we need.

With so much love, Gemma xx

(1)0 ways to cope with a break up 


I’ve been wanting to write about this for a long time because I’ve read so many lists of usual suspects on how to cope with grief, pain, loss and myriad of emotions that comes with a relationship ending. By the usual suspects I mean…

‘Do exercise, don’t drink alcohol, don’t isolate, get therapy, sleep, make sure you’re looking & feeling as good as possible…’ 

While they are all good suggestions on paper, at the time they can make you want to punch someone or collapse into a heap. Now this is probably a little controversial; these contrived ‘positive thinking and doing’ lists are mostly what we all know to do anyway – most people are not great at taking awesome care of themselves in the good times – so this can make you feel even worse when you’re not holding it together in the bad times. And this brings up what I feel is one of the most important subjects – shame. These ’10 ways to get through a break up’ articles, listing some of the above, can be a real shame trigger. Because when you’re barely getting out of bed or have swapped your tea at bedtime for tequila, the list is yet another thing you’re failing at. 

Shame is insidious and deeply damaging. Going through the break down of a marriage can bring up bucket loads of shame and talking about that is, I feel, much more useful. You may well have heard of Brene Brown, one of my favourite authors and shame & vulnerability researcher, she has uncovered for us that shame is feeling that we are somehow bad, rather than we did a bad thing, which would be a feeling of guilt. She explains how nothing good ever comes from feeling shame, there is nothing motivating about it or useful in it. Brene describes shame as ‘the instensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging’. And it’s one of the most human and primitive emotions there is. She also calls it lethal. 

My list of ‘how to deal with break ups’ has only one crucial point – do everything you can to avoid shame. When our lives get turned upside down and inside out there will very likely be mistakes, bad behaviour, harsh words, drinking too much, eating too much, skipping the gym for weeks… I’m not saying those are good things and they’ll help you, they won’t, but we’re human and we’re messy. I’m saying it’s ok and you’re ok and whatever you, or others, do and say it doesn’t mean you are bad and deserve to feel shame. In fact quite the opposite. It means you’re in pain and need to be loved, not judged, by yourself and others. 

I am all for self love and self care, taking a long bath or going for a massage are wonderful ways to take care of yourself. But what’s even more important is when you’ve fucked up, and trust me I have, to reject the shame you and/or others pour on you. This is warrior self love. Loving yourself in the midst of the battle. 

How do you do this? In my experience having just a few close people in your life who can be your champion, even in the darkness, is the most healing. Having someone empathise and reflect back to you your messy humanness and your beautiful spirit – and telling you that it’s all ok and you’re loved no matter what. I have been lucky enough to experience this both through professional support and family and friends. If you don’t currently have someone to be your champion, go find one. 

Do all the good things on the lists as much you can, and when you don’t or do the opposite, know that you’re doing the best you can. If anyone tries to shame you, keep your distance for a while. If you’re shaming yourself reach out to your champion and get vulnerable, share your good, bad and ugly feelings and know that you’re not alone. Brene says there are three things that shame needs to keep growing; secrecy, silence and judgment. Being human means being messy and imperfect. I’m holding your hand and you’re not alone.