The top Life Coaches and personal development gurus do this…


I’ve been loving that Super Soul with Oprah is now a Podcast! Listening to the best in the business share their experiences and wisdom while going about my day is one of my favourite things to do. 

Listening to Tony Robbins, Life Coach extraordinare, and Iyanla Vanzant, creator of The TV show Fix My Life and incredible speaker, they both focused on the same practice at the core of spiritual growth and living in alignment with your true purpose…connecting with your heart (your intuition, God, the universe). One of my mentors, Sonia Tully, has taught me a very similar practice that I use all the time to get guidance and I love it because it’s quick, easy and so clear. 

Tony describes choosing something in your life that you’re struggling with at a level of 7 out of 10. Closing your eyes and putting your hand on your heart and bringing to mind 3 separate experiences you are grateful for e.g. The birth of your child, achieving a goal or a special time with friends. Then once you’ve got yourself into the state (vibration) of gratitude you ask your heart what to do about the problem you are facing and listen for the guidance. 

Iyanla talks about being in the God space in prayer, feeling completely connected and at one with creation. She emphasises that your intuition is key to the choices you make and is how we receive guidance from God. Oprah says if you’re out of alignment with your higher purpose God hits you first with a pebble, then if you don’t listen the rock gets bigger and bigger until it’s a boulder. This is a metaphor for the intuitive nudges we get that we ignore, for example if you bring on a new business partner you may have some misgivings but ignore them. Then a few things start to go wrong in your business, but you soldier on. Eventually the business may fail and you go bankrupt (the boulder!). This is not a punishment from God or the universe, it’s purely because that situation or relationship, in the form it’s in, it’s untenable for you and out of alignment with your deepest desires. So eventually it has to break down completely if you don’t listen and act on the red flags. 

Sonia, my mentor, teaches a beautiful tool called ‘My heads says….and my heart says….’ Choose something your worried about or struggling with, then speak out loud ‘my head says….’ and say all the thoughts and stuff your head is saying to you e.g. I’m not sure I can do this, am I good enough? What will they say? Etc. Then take a deep breath, put your hand on your heart and tune in – then say ‘my heart says…’ and allow the words to come naturally. Can you feel the difference in energy of your head and your heart? What do they both feel like? 

I love that there is so much emphasis on how essential it is to connect to your heart and your intuition. That is the space we create from and heal in. 

Sending love ❤️ 

Image credit: upliftconnect.com 

People pleasing leading to disease…and how to heal from it

In this video I explain what people pleasing is (I should know, I’m an expert!) and how it can lead to autoimmune disease – as it did for me. I learned how to set boundaries in order to take care of myself and heal myself from the disease to please. Thank goodness!!

Enjoy yourself

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I had a huge aha moment this week that I’d love to share with you.

I am degree level qualified in beating myself up! As I’m sure many of you can relate to, I’ve developed a habit of being harsh to myself and berating myself when I feel I should be doing better. We do this as a means of self motivation and also to keep ourselves safe, as I’ve been learning in Kristen Neff’s book Self Compassion Step by Step. However usually the result is feeling bad, not good enough and guilty. If you’re a fan of Abraham Hicks and know about the Law of Attraction you’ll remember that feeling good, especially about ourselves, is such an important part of drawing to you what it is you desire. With that in mind making myself feel bad in the hopes that I do better was clearly very counter productive.

You may have heard people say ‘talk to yourself as if you’re talking to a good friend’. Which is a great idea, but for me it didn’t resonate so much. So I came up with the idea of ‘treat yourself and talk to yourself as if you are your own baby or child’. Now this creates a whole new level of love, tenderness and wanting the very best. I started trying it out; if I was feeling guilty or negative about myself I would stop and reframe the moment as if I was my child, what would I say & do to support and make her feel better?

For example if I didn’t achieve as many tasks as I had planned that day I would catch myself telling myself, “you failed today, you probably wasted time, if you can’t do these tasks how are you ever going to achieve more?”. Then I stop and reframe it as if I were my child and then say “it’s ok, you tried your best and did more than yesterday. We both know you were very tired and the down time was just as important as the tasks. Relax and start again tomorrow”. Can you feel how wildly different the energy is in those two self talk examples? One is harsh and agitating and lowers the vibration, the other is soothing and calm and uplifting.

Changing my self talk whenever I notice the harsh critic has totally changed my week and I’ve felt so much better about myself and happier with myself than I have for weeks & weeks. Once I’d had this realisation I started listening to Kristen Neff’s book and she suggests exactly the same idea of treating yourself as your own child. This synchronicity, along with many others during the week, confirmed that this practice is spot on and to keep it up.

So how does the title ‘Enjoy yourself’ relate? It’s such a common phrase we offer to people if they’re going to a party with lots of people, staying in and watching TV or going for a long walk on their own. It means enjoy YOURSELF! Not necessarily enjoy the other people, the music, the view or whatever it is you are surrounded by. The key is to enjoy YOURSELF. Take pleasure in yourself, wherever you are and whatever you do YOU are always there so the better you can feel about yourself, the kinder you can be to yourself, the more enjoyable everything else will be. And as the Law of Attraction teaches, feeling good is the key to creating your dreams. 

Sadness at the end of a Netflix series 

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Yes I’m being serious!! Have you ever felt that sadness and missing of the characters in a series that really touched your heart and, more often than not, was a welcome escape from being present to whatever’s happening in your life at the time?

I remember when my father in law died my husband asked me stay at home rather than join him to be with his family. I was alone and having not experienced the death of a parent was overwhelmed and emotional. The wonderful series Nashville was there for me, along with red wine and cigarettes (they were roll ups which don’t really count..). It was inspiring, dramatic and I fell for the characters.

This time it’s Friday Night Lights, the very special small town, American football show. Interestingly they both star Connie Britton who is sweet, stunning and an independent, inspiring woman in both.

The marriage of the football coach and his wife (Connie Britton) filled me with hope for myself and sadness at the failure of my marriage experience so far. They were both inspiring leaders in their community, they compromised and were incredibly honest all the time. They loved each other and still had the spark as well as being incredible parents, leading by example.

This time the series helped my through the reality of slowly recovering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and the process of trying to let go of my marriage. My hopes and dreams are intertwined in the story line and characters, as well as sadness when a sweet moment reminds me of a not so sweet time in my life. I want a marriage like Coach & Connie. In the last episode an ex football quarterback asks Coach for his daughter’s hand in marriage…it took so much for the poor guy to build up the courage. It made me think how could my ex husband have gone through all the steps of getting married, including asking my Dad and promising to take care of me forever, to throw it all away?

I think these stories and characters come along at just the right time…to give us hope in love, in life, in dreams and in the future. Messages from our angels and spirit guides maybe?

This time I’ve been accompanied by a bottle or two of craft beer and my vape (e-cigarette) which I think is progress 😄

What’s real? And what looks good/ positive/ fixed up/ not messy? 

 

Prince quote

It’s funny because just this week I read a blog post by a life coach I know who explained she hadn’t posted for a while, not because she hadn’t written any posts (she’d written 6 or 7) but she just hadn’t published them. And last week I did just that! I’ve written numerous posts as the feelings and words come to me and have published none of them. Why? Because they’re messy, sad, sound pathetic, they are a string of questions rather than an answer and they even contradict each other! In one post I found a clear answer and in another I don’t have the answer to the same question.

My conclusion is people and life are real which means messy, contradictory and feel the whole spectrum of emotions…I certainly don’t have all the answers. While it may feed my ego and feel more comfortable to present a consistently positive image of myself on these pages, it wouldn’t be real. What I can do here is be honest, share my stories and experiences to firstly help myself to process my thoughts and feelings, and hopefully help others to feel they are not alone in their humanness when going through life’s dark times. Maybe even to give some insight to those who are supporting their loved ones through ups and downs.

As the awe inspiring Prince once said ‘we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life’ and together is really the only way to do it, I feel…

At home retreat – Step 2 – self care

I was very much a shower on the run girl – squeezing in a quick rinse to clean the essentials while my head was full of the lists of things I had to do that day. Maybe once in a couple of months I’d treat myself to a bath and even then I’d get bored and hot and jump out pretty quick.

During this time of recovery from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome combined with healing my heart I have learned to approach life at a completely different pace. I learned to slow down, and at times stop completely, because I had no other option, my body decided for me. One of the aspects that has been crucial in my healing journey, and a huge part of my ‘at home retreat’ is self care. Self care is very closely connected to self love in that it’s a the physical choices we make to take care of ourselves.

Taking the time for myself and treating myself everyday to a simple, leisurely bath has been my number 1 self care ritual during my retreat and I have continued since. It is a small way I show myself that I’m important and that I love myself, as well as it being healing in a practical way.

My self care, bath time ritual involves:

Daily…

  • Run your bath and set the scene – light a candle or two, lower the lights and I love to have a big glass of water (or drink of your choice).
  • I love to have something to do while I’m enjoying my bath e.g. watch my favourite show on the iPad, listen to a meditation audio, watch a spiritual video or listen to music.
  • I put a good amount of Epsom Salt into my bath nearly everyday – there are so many benefits to Epsom Salts such as relieving aches and pains, very detoxifying and cleansing for your energy and aura – its the best!
  • Add essential oils or flower essences – depending on whether you’re bathing to relax or to wash before starting your day you can choose essential oils to help you. I love lavender to relax and sage to cleanse, citrus oils are good for lifting energy.
  • Once comfortably in your bath I recommend using healthy, non toxic products to wash with – I use Arbonne products as they’re vegan, contain no nasties and work brilliantly. Use a specific face wash for your skin needs, I love the SeaSource Detox Body Wash for everywhere else and of course hair care. (Note if you put lots of Epsom Salt into your bath it can leave your hair a bit crispy – you can always rinse it in the shower afterwards).
  • Give yourself at least 20 mins to soak in the bath with the salts to get the full benefits while you enjoy your music or video and when its time to get out do so gently, I always take time to rest a little after a bath before rushing to get dressed or get on with the next task.

Once or twice a week…

  • Exfoliate your whole body twice a week – I use a natural exfoliating mitt and the Arbonne SeaSouce Detox Salt Scrub for my body and the FC5 Exfoliating New Cell Scrub for my face – which can double as a face mask too. Every now and then I use a more deeply cleansing or nourishing face mask.
  • Don’t forget your feet and hands! It’s easy to focus on your face and forget about the parts of your body that do the most work – feet and hands. Once a week I like to treat my feet and hands to a revitalising salt scrub all of their own – they feel so soft and lovely afterwards.

There are so many aspects of this bath ritual that are healing both spiritually and physically; giving time and energy to yourself is so important, it sets the standard for how others treat you too. Switching off from your daily tasks by enjoying a TV show or doing a relaxing meditation while in the bath creates space in your mind to find peace, creativity and is like a re-set button. The essential oils, Epsom Salts and Arbonne products are nourishing your senses and physical body with minerals, cell renewing properties and removing toxins.

Now it’s your turn – enjoy!

 

It’s all ok 

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I’m a keeper of sentimental things; cards, jewellery, photos etc. For me they hold the energy of the moment that was so special. At the end of a relationship lasting many years there are lots of ‘sentimental things’ to decide what to do with.

Do I throw out all my wedding photos? Do I get rid of the jewellery he gave me? All the clothes? Now that we’re apart have those things been hijacked by a sad and bad energy? These are the questions I ask myself as I’m clearing out.

Looking back over the loving messages in birthday cards, the looks of happiness and sweetness in photos bringing back the memories from the years shared (not all of them extremely happy, but all of them real) and I feel all over again – how is this possible? After everything, the promises, the vows, the ups and downs, the love proclaimed, how can this be the end? What was the point of it all? In my case this feeling I’m sure relates to the fact (in my mind) that nothing terrible or unforgivable happened at the end of my marriage – just his decision to live his life without me.

I’m sure this is a part of ‘letting go’ that I’m struggling with – honestly I’m struggling with the whole concept of ‘letting go’. Of course I want to, I’ve done and said so many things to try to create a letting go within myself. I want to move on, forget even and be happier than ever – but how? Can I leave this question unanswered and still effectively let go? Will time be the ultimate healer or will I feel some version of this forever more and just learn to live with it?

There are so many happy and wonderful people and things in my life now – by not being completely ‘over it’ does that mean I’m not appreciating what I have? There’s a lot of guilt and self blame around having these feelings.

It’s so important for each of us to remember that our experience and process is unique, it’s all ok. There is no right and wrong and it doesn’t matter what other people think or say – a huge proportion of the reactions of others is their own stuff projected outwards anyway. It’s ok to have questions, it’s ok not to know, it’s ok to have good days and bad days, it’s all ok.