The top Life Coaches and personal development gurus do this…


I’ve been loving that Super Soul with Oprah is now a Podcast! Listening to the best in the business share their experiences and wisdom while going about my day is one of my favourite things to do. 

Listening to Tony Robbins, Life Coach extraordinare, and Iyanla Vanzant, creator of The TV show Fix My Life and incredible speaker, they both focused on the same practice at the core of spiritual growth and living in alignment with your true purpose…connecting with your heart (your intuition, God, the universe). One of my mentors, Sonia Tully, has taught me a very similar practice that I use all the time to get guidance and I love it because it’s quick, easy and so clear. 

Tony describes choosing something in your life that you’re struggling with at a level of 7 out of 10. Closing your eyes and putting your hand on your heart and bringing to mind 3 separate experiences you are grateful for e.g. The birth of your child, achieving a goal or a special time with friends. Then once you’ve got yourself into the state (vibration) of gratitude you ask your heart what to do about the problem you are facing and listen for the guidance. 

Iyanla talks about being in the God space in prayer, feeling completely connected and at one with creation. She emphasises that your intuition is key to the choices you make and is how we receive guidance from God. Oprah says if you’re out of alignment with your higher purpose God hits you first with a pebble, then if you don’t listen the rock gets bigger and bigger until it’s a boulder. This is a metaphor for the intuitive nudges we get that we ignore, for example if you bring on a new business partner you may have some misgivings but ignore them. Then a few things start to go wrong in your business, but you soldier on. Eventually the business may fail and you go bankrupt (the boulder!). This is not a punishment from God or the universe, it’s purely because that situation or relationship, in the form it’s in, it’s untenable for you and out of alignment with your deepest desires. So eventually it has to break down completely if you don’t listen and act on the red flags. 

Sonia, my mentor, teaches a beautiful tool called ‘My heads says….and my heart says….’ Choose something your worried about or struggling with, then speak out loud ‘my head says….’ and say all the thoughts and stuff your head is saying to you e.g. I’m not sure I can do this, am I good enough? What will they say? Etc. Then take a deep breath, put your hand on your heart and tune in – then say ‘my heart says…’ and allow the words to come naturally. Can you feel the difference in energy of your head and your heart? What do they both feel like? 

I love that there is so much emphasis on how essential it is to connect to your heart and your intuition. That is the space we create from and heal in. 

Sending love ❤️ 

Image credit: upliftconnect.com 

How do you connect to your intuition? 

My first experience of actively connecting with my intuition was using a very practical tool – oracle cards. I started using Angel oracle cards created by Doreen Virtue; there are so many different card decks out there for you to choose from. I loved this tool because I could hold the cards in my hands, there was a guidebook with instructions & explanations. It was practical rather than conceptual. I would pull cards to answer all kind of questions and use the guidebook, in conjunction with my intuition, to interpret the message. There are even apps you can download onto your phone now.  

How you start to interpret messages is by reading words on the cards, looking up each card in the guideboook and asking yourself what the images mean to you. Bring your awareness to your thoughts, feelings, ideas and visualisations to piece together the guidance that comes through. There is lots to learn about card readings, I completed an Angel Tarot Card Reader training which was fab, but you certainly don’t need to have heaps of training to use this tool to connect to your intuition.

At first it can feel very uncomfortable trying to figure out ‘what’s my intuition & what’s my mind or my imagination’? Which is why it’s recommended to start by asking questions or seeking guidance on subjects that not too heavily emotionally laden. For example – what do you suggest I focus on today? Rather than will my current relationship last? 

The gut feeling. We’ve all used the phrase – I have a gut feeling about this; meaning I have a feeling in my body, specifically in the tummy area, that is giving me information on this subject that I can’t verify externally. This is most often your intuition. I like to use my ‘gut feeling’ to help me with a yes or no answer. I pose my yes or no question and bring my attention to the sensation to my tummy. For me a yes feels like a lifting and lightening of the energy around my middle, whereas a no is more of a sinking, lowering feeling in my tummy. Test it out with questions you know the answer to and see what a yes and no feels like to you in your body. For example my name is….say the wrong name to get a no & the right name to get a yes. 

Another tool I use almost everyday is a little more subtle and may take a bit more practice, so don’t feel disheartened if it doesn’t feel clear straight away. Before I go sleep at night, when I’m in bed with my eyes closed, I thank my intellect for all the hard work it’s done during the day and suggest it has a break. I feel like my prefrontal cortex (the front part of my brain) is almost moving back a little into my skull – I’m sure it isn’t, it’s more my visualisation. Giving my intellect the back seat allows space for my higher self, my intuition, my angels and guides to come in. If you’re not comfortable with the words angels or guides just think of it as your inner guidance system. 

You might feel a shift in energy, more subtle and peaceful, like a safe space. From here I communicate with my thoughts and ‘listen’ for answers. There are a number of different ways we can perceive intuitive guidance; clairaudience is the ‘hearing’ of guidance. This usually doesn’t mean an external sound, like the sound of others talking, but rather an internal perception of words. It is similar to thoughts but it has a very different quality to it. I find thoughts usually have lots and lots of words, they run quite fast and feel almost energetically jaggedy. Whereas my intuitive guidance has few words, is very clear and comes in quickly and has an energetic quality like clear glass. So if thoughts feel like the opaque glass you have in bathrooms, guidance feels like completely clear glass. I know that sounds pretty abstract! Give it a try and see how it feels to you, remembering not to put too much pressure on yourself and start with simple, unemotional requests. 

Let me know how you get on! 😘

People pleasing leading to disease…and how to heal from it

In this video I explain what people pleasing is (I should know, I’m an expert!) and how it can lead to autoimmune disease – as it did for me. I learned how to set boundaries in order to take care of myself and heal myself from the disease to please. Thank goodness!!

Bad vibes = get out! 

I went to an event recently, it was a totally new place with all new people. I was excited to make friends and maybe do some networking. Anyway I went along and it was good to start with, there were some interesting people and nice conversations. Then I started talking to a guy who monologued at me for a long time in a pretty overwhelming way about super low energy things, like how you don’t have to pay your debts…etc etc. 

After a little bit I was feeling suffocated by him and his non stop words. I was trying to find a way out of this interaction for minutes until I finally just said I had to go and walked away. I tried to get into the swing of it again and started conversations with some other people but couldn’t shake the feeling of discomfort and bad vibes. Pretty soon I gave up completely and made my excuses to leave and head home. 

I felt horrible, like it was somehow my fault, like I’d failed at my plan of having a fun evening with new people. I was walking fast trying to move the weird energy out of my body. I was so relieved to get outta there! 

My point is that I felt bad vibes during that  interaction, they took hold in my head and in my body. The best plan of action was to get out as fast as possible. I know it’s not always possible to leave a situation when you feel bad vibes, for example if you’re at work and can’t just walk out. But you can leave the room, go to the bathroom & press your feet into the floor to ground yourself. Better yet go for a walk outside & get present with the sounds and sights out there. Walking in nature if possible is the best medicine! Really taking in the trees, water, bird song, wind on your face. You’ll feel cleansed and refreshed. 

So many times recently I’ve felt bad vibes about a person or a situation but I haven’t trusted myself, I’ve second guessed my intuition and intellectualised my way out of it. Only to learn afterwards that my vibes were totally on point. The lesson = trust your vibes and exactly as it says above ‘fuck your bad vibes bro’ 🤣 

(1)0 ways to cope with a break up 


I’ve been wanting to write about this for a long time because I’ve read so many lists of usual suspects on how to cope with grief, pain, loss and myriad of emotions that comes with a relationship ending. By the usual suspects I mean…

‘Do exercise, don’t drink alcohol, don’t isolate, get therapy, sleep, make sure you’re looking & feeling as good as possible…’ 

While they are all good suggestions on paper, at the time they can make you want to punch someone or collapse into a heap. Now this is probably a little controversial; these contrived ‘positive thinking and doing’ lists are mostly what we all know to do anyway – most people are not great at taking awesome care of themselves in the good times – so this can make you feel even worse when you’re not holding it together in the bad times. And this brings up what I feel is one of the most important subjects – shame. These ’10 ways to get through a break up’ articles, listing some of the above, can be a real shame trigger. Because when you’re barely getting out of bed or have swapped your tea at bedtime for tequila, the list is yet another thing you’re failing at. 

Shame is insidious and deeply damaging. Going through the break down of a marriage can bring up bucket loads of shame and talking about that is, I feel, much more useful. You may well have heard of Brene Brown, one of my favourite authors and shame & vulnerability researcher, she has uncovered for us that shame is feeling that we are somehow bad, rather than we did a bad thing, which would be a feeling of guilt. She explains how nothing good ever comes from feeling shame, there is nothing motivating about it or useful in it. Brene describes shame as ‘the instensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging’. And it’s one of the most human and primitive emotions there is. She also calls it lethal. 

My list of ‘how to deal with break ups’ has only one crucial point – do everything you can to avoid shame. When our lives get turned upside down and inside out there will very likely be mistakes, bad behaviour, harsh words, drinking too much, eating too much, skipping the gym for weeks… I’m not saying those are good things and they’ll help you, they won’t, but we’re human and we’re messy. I’m saying it’s ok and you’re ok and whatever you, or others, do and say it doesn’t mean you are bad and deserve to feel shame. In fact quite the opposite. It means you’re in pain and need to be loved, not judged, by yourself and others. 

I am all for self love and self care, taking a long bath or going for a massage are wonderful ways to take care of yourself. But what’s even more important is when you’ve fucked up, and trust me I have, to reject the shame you and/or others pour on you. This is warrior self love. Loving yourself in the midst of the battle. 

How do you do this? In my experience having just a few close people in your life who can be your champion, even in the darkness, is the most healing. Having someone empathise and reflect back to you your messy humanness and your beautiful spirit – and telling you that it’s all ok and you’re loved no matter what. I have been lucky enough to experience this both through professional support and family and friends. If you don’t currently have someone to be your champion, go find one. 

Do all the good things on the lists as much you can, and when you don’t or do the opposite, know that you’re doing the best you can. If anyone tries to shame you, keep your distance for a while. If you’re shaming yourself reach out to your champion and get vulnerable, share your good, bad and ugly feelings and know that you’re not alone. Brene says there are three things that shame needs to keep growing; secrecy, silence and judgment. Being human means being messy and imperfect. I’m holding your hand and you’re not alone.