The top Life Coaches and personal development gurus do this…


I’ve been loving that Super Soul with Oprah is now a Podcast! Listening to the best in the business share their experiences and wisdom while going about my day is one of my favourite things to do. 

Listening to Tony Robbins, Life Coach extraordinare, and Iyanla Vanzant, creator of The TV show Fix My Life and incredible speaker, they both focused on the same practice at the core of spiritual growth and living in alignment with your true purpose…connecting with your heart (your intuition, God, the universe). One of my mentors, Sonia Tully, has taught me a very similar practice that I use all the time to get guidance and I love it because it’s quick, easy and so clear. 

Tony describes choosing something in your life that you’re struggling with at a level of 7 out of 10. Closing your eyes and putting your hand on your heart and bringing to mind 3 separate experiences you are grateful for e.g. The birth of your child, achieving a goal or a special time with friends. Then once you’ve got yourself into the state (vibration) of gratitude you ask your heart what to do about the problem you are facing and listen for the guidance. 

Iyanla talks about being in the God space in prayer, feeling completely connected and at one with creation. She emphasises that your intuition is key to the choices you make and is how we receive guidance from God. Oprah says if you’re out of alignment with your higher purpose God hits you first with a pebble, then if you don’t listen the rock gets bigger and bigger until it’s a boulder. This is a metaphor for the intuitive nudges we get that we ignore, for example if you bring on a new business partner you may have some misgivings but ignore them. Then a few things start to go wrong in your business, but you soldier on. Eventually the business may fail and you go bankrupt (the boulder!). This is not a punishment from God or the universe, it’s purely because that situation or relationship, in the form it’s in, it’s untenable for you and out of alignment with your deepest desires. So eventually it has to break down completely if you don’t listen and act on the red flags. 

Sonia, my mentor, teaches a beautiful tool called ‘My heads says….and my heart says….’ Choose something your worried about or struggling with, then speak out loud ‘my head says….’ and say all the thoughts and stuff your head is saying to you e.g. I’m not sure I can do this, am I good enough? What will they say? Etc. Then take a deep breath, put your hand on your heart and tune in – then say ‘my heart says…’ and allow the words to come naturally. Can you feel the difference in energy of your head and your heart? What do they both feel like? 

I love that there is so much emphasis on how essential it is to connect to your heart and your intuition. That is the space we create from and heal in. 

Sending love ❤️ 

Image credit: upliftconnect.com 

The Power of Ritual (warning: my soul laid bare)

Last year I was trying to get over my marriage ending, find some resolution, understanding and move on. It’s a process. One particular day I felt very strongly guided to do a ritual for the ending of the my marriage. Funnily enough it was also 4th July, Independence Day for all my American friends. (There was no forward planning on that one.)

This is the spot that I chose, near my home in London, right by the river in a beautiful and private place.

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I wore my rings for the last time while I sat by the river feeling all the waves of emotions that were coursing through me.

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I took a copy of my marriage certificate with me (you need the real one for the divorce – which takes 2 years…so a copy was the practical option). I burnt it as a symbol of the of the ending. There was no malice involved, more of a ‘dust to dust, ashes to ashes’ type mourning vibe.

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It felt important to write a message from my soul to his on the last little piece of the certificate. Words that I couldn’t say to him in person because he would probably think I was a crazy person. I was in floods of tears as the emotions spilled out of me. At this point I should probably add, in the name of authenticity, that I also had a bottle of Prosecco and packet of cigarettes with me.

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Once I had finished saying my goodbyes I rolled the little note into my ring and prepared to throw it in the water. I said so many prayers for him and for me, that the pain would ease, that life would be bright again, that there was some point to all this.

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I threw it in the water and watched it slowly sink. So much beauty and meaning in the middle of so much pain.

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After I was all cried out and a bottle of Prosecco down I decided to go out, by myself, to celebrate the 4th of July. So I did. I went to an event in central London and met some great people and had a fun and crazy night.

It was interesting that I completely followed my intuition to do the ritual, I hadn’t read any suggestions online, I just did what I felt. And it struck me that so many rituals in life involve earth, fire and water. We are baptised in water and cremated in fire or buried in death. I was inexplicably drawn to sit down on the earth, burn my marriage certificate and throw my ring and final love note to my husband in the water. Life and death. Cleansing and detoxifying. Grounding and yet overwhelmingly emotional.

The ending of the story is not ‘and then I was fine and healed and life just got better and better’. No. It was a very special, painful, emotional, deeply loving part of the process. It created more love and acceptance and that is really all we need.

With so much love, Gemma xx

People pleasing leading to disease…and how to heal from it

In this video I explain what people pleasing is (I should know, I’m an expert!) and how it can lead to autoimmune disease – as it did for me. I learned how to set boundaries in order to take care of myself and heal myself from the disease to please. Thank goodness!!

Enjoy yourself

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I had a huge aha moment this week that I’d love to share with you.

I am degree level qualified in beating myself up! As I’m sure many of you can relate to, I’ve developed a habit of being harsh to myself and berating myself when I feel I should be doing better. We do this as a means of self motivation and also to keep ourselves safe, as I’ve been learning in Kristen Neff’s book Self Compassion Step by Step. However usually the result is feeling bad, not good enough and guilty. If you’re a fan of Abraham Hicks and know about the Law of Attraction you’ll remember that feeling good, especially about ourselves, is such an important part of drawing to you what it is you desire. With that in mind making myself feel bad in the hopes that I do better was clearly very counter productive.

You may have heard people say ‘talk to yourself as if you’re talking to a good friend’. Which is a great idea, but for me it didn’t resonate so much. So I came up with the idea of ‘treat yourself and talk to yourself as if you are your own baby or child’. Now this creates a whole new level of love, tenderness and wanting the very best. I started trying it out; if I was feeling guilty or negative about myself I would stop and reframe the moment as if I was my child, what would I say & do to support and make her feel better?

For example if I didn’t achieve as many tasks as I had planned that day I would catch myself telling myself, “you failed today, you probably wasted time, if you can’t do these tasks how are you ever going to achieve more?”. Then I stop and reframe it as if I were my child and then say “it’s ok, you tried your best and did more than yesterday. We both know you were very tired and the down time was just as important as the tasks. Relax and start again tomorrow”. Can you feel how wildly different the energy is in those two self talk examples? One is harsh and agitating and lowers the vibration, the other is soothing and calm and uplifting.

Changing my self talk whenever I notice the harsh critic has totally changed my week and I’ve felt so much better about myself and happier with myself than I have for weeks & weeks. Once I’d had this realisation I started listening to Kristen Neff’s book and she suggests exactly the same idea of treating yourself as your own child. This synchronicity, along with many others during the week, confirmed that this practice is spot on and to keep it up.

So how does the title ‘Enjoy yourself’ relate? It’s such a common phrase we offer to people if they’re going to a party with lots of people, staying in and watching TV or going for a long walk on their own. It means enjoy YOURSELF! Not necessarily enjoy the other people, the music, the view or whatever it is you are surrounded by. The key is to enjoy YOURSELF. Take pleasure in yourself, wherever you are and whatever you do YOU are always there so the better you can feel about yourself, the kinder you can be to yourself, the more enjoyable everything else will be. And as the Law of Attraction teaches, feeling good is the key to creating your dreams. 

Connection in relationships

I’ve had a number of experiences recently which have got me thinking about how people connect to each other, or don’t connect as the case may be. 

There are times when people only seem to be able understand me from their current experience. When I share my feelings or my deep truths they take them, put them in the lens of their current life view and judge it to be right or wrong on that basis. This leaves me feeling not heard, not seen and judged. It makes me feel like I wish I hadn’t been so vulnerable, it makes me feel bad, it makes me cry and it makes me want to spend less time with that person. 

Is it possible for us to be open others (those who we deeply care about rather than just everyone with all the random energy they may bring) without projecting our own patterns on their experience? Maybe so but maybe it takes digging deeper, being more present and using more energy than simply listening. Perhaps holding space and being a witness for another takes effort and a willingness to ‘be’ with what is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. 

There have also been times when people have validated me not by just agreeing, but by seeing into me and hearing the truth of my experience, unrelated to their own. That feels like a huge relief, a precious gift and makes me value those people much more. 

I want to be someone who validates and sees people, sees their spirit and their truth. This is my practice.