How to Heal from Emotional Trauma

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Trauma is a big and loaded word. In this post I am writing from my own experience of emotional trauma, and my healing journey, as experienced as an adult.

We often think of trauma in the frame of PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) which occurs when an individual experiences a terrifying and earth shattering event, such a war zone. However we all experience trauma to a greater or lesser extent in our lives through our relationships, life choices and painful events. It’s also worth mentioning that what is traumatic to some, may not be to others, we have different nervous systems and different ways of perceiving the world and what happens to us.

My most extreme experience of trauma was in my relationship with a long term partner. During the relationship there were toxic and destructive dynamics which led to the end of the relationship, by which time I was utterly depleted. The somewhat messy ending and aftermath was additionally traumatic, resulting in an emotional breakdown and eventually the onset of an autoimmune disorder; physical breakdown. My life ground to an abrupt halt in many ways and I was forced to focus on my healing.

Looking back now I can make sense of what happened and how the breakdown was inevitable, although at the time I was spinning trying to understand and hold myself together. My body getting sick was perfect because I absolutely needed to take a big time-out to heal and learn crucial lessons.

During the height of the breakdown my nervous system was high alert 24/7, I had panic attacks when I left the house, I was anxious all the time, I was medicated…I was a mess. Here are some of the tools I used to facilitate my healing:

Journaling

Now when I say journaling, this was no ordinary journaling, I was desperately trying to make sense of my life and hold onto any shred of hope and positivity I could. I would write down positive experiences I had, nice things people said to me and affirmations. I would also write down what I was learning; how this situation had happened and revelations from work with healers and coaches. I took my journal with me everywhere and the most important part was re-reading what I had written. I used it to remind myself that there was hope, there was goodness and there were people and a universe who loved me.

Healing professionals

A huge part of my healing process was working with healers and teachers, such as reiki practitioners, massage therapists, doctors, psychotherapists, hypnotherapists and intuitive coaches. In my opinion, deep healing requires some external support and guidance. The time and money spent on these experts was invaluable to my health and wellbeing and to learning the soul lessons, which are offered to us in abundance during the darkest of times.

Connecting with and receiving support from the people in my life 

When we are at our most vulnerable, we are also at our most open. I had a number of incredibly touching and healing experiences with family members, neighbours and even total strangers. For example I went to have tea with a neighbour who I didn’t know very well, but I knew she was a kind and spiritual person. She offered to talk me through a type of meditation to receive clear guidance from God, which I readily accepted. It was so vivid and so meaningful, it gave me hope and love and gratitude.

Surrendering to the greater, loving power

I had my fair share of ‘come to Jesus’ or ‘on my knees on the bathroom floor’ moments. Those times in the dark night of the soul when you are utterly at a loss as what to do, how to cope and how to bear this pain. It’s in these times that we realise we cannot do this alone, that living life from our very limited ego self (or mind self) is futile, exhausting and impossible. When we have tried everything and we have nothing left, we throw our hands up to God/ the Universe/ our angels (or whatever you call the divine power of creation) and surrender control, asking for help and healing. This was hands down the most healing and life altering experience of my healing process. To learn that I wasn’t in this alone, that there is a loving force that is guiding me and holding me, even when it feels like all is lost.

It is my most heartfelt hope that some of these suggestions, and sharing a little of my story, will help and encourage you if you are going through pain and trauma. Please do feel free to reach out and tell me your story or ask questions about mine – I want to serve and support you.

Sending so much love x

Image credit: Pottercounceling.com

What happens when you ignore your intuition?

do you ignore your intuition

Have you ignored your intuition before? I’m sure we all have at some point or other… And what was the outcome? Did you take the job you knew in your gut wasn’t right for you, and you struggled for ages before leaving? Did you say yes to the invitation when you felt the right answer was no? But went anyway and felt exhausted and depleted, kicking yourself for knowing better?

I could literally write a book about all the times I haven’t listened to my intuition! And I am writing from experience when I describe what the results of ignoring your internal guidance system can lead to. Following your intuition will certainly pay off, and not following it will lead to some pretty painful lessons.

IMPORTANT NOTE: this is not meant to scare you or freak you out, your intuition is forever loving and we have free will to choose whether we take action on our intuitive guidance or not. If we choose not to, it may make life more tricky, but all is not lost, it’s all part of the learning process and the universe gives us unlimited opportunities to course correct.

What happens when you ignore your intuition?

  • I love Oprah’s explanation of how the universe, or God or your guides (intuition) whisper to you, she says ‘life is whispering to you all the time’ and you need to listen to the whispers. She says if you don’t listen, the whisper gets louder, it starts off as a pebble, then a bigger pebble, then a thump on the head (when it’s become a problem), then a brick to the head (a crisis) and then the whole house falls down.
  • Not listening to your intuition, and acting on it, can lead to living parts of your life out of alignment with your true self and your true purpose. This can result in health issues, emotional crises and in extreme cases the life you’ve built crumbling down around you. This is what happened to me; my old patterns and codependent behaviour drowned out my intuition in a long term romantic relationship. I built a whole life around him and eventually my body was the first to literally stop functioning as a massive sign I was in a hugely toxic situation. Reconnecting to my intuition, and making it priority in my life, was an important part of my healing process.
  • Our intuition is our best inner GPS or sat nav: by connecting to our guides and higher selves we have access to information that is impossible to attain through the 5 senses. Using our sixth sense by listening to our intuitive nudges, and acting on it, allows us to be in the flow of our lives, flowing with the divine. When we are not in flow, or making all our decisions from the thinking mind and/ or the ego, it can be really hard work. Feeling like we’re constantly pushing and striving and clawing our way forward. Whereas being in flow feels energising, inspiring and full of ease.
  • Living without being relationship with our spiritual selves, with our higher selves or our intuition can feel like we’re in this alone. Like we can only achieve success through our own mental and physical work, that when the chips are down we need to figure it all out on our own. This is 100% not true, we have a whole team of angelic and spiritual guides to support us and who want to see us fulfilled and happy. They are available to us 100% of the time, it is up to us to get quiet and tune in, to learn how to hear the whispers, and to trust them.

To help you tune into what your intuition is telling you I created this short video – click here to watch it now.

 

Create Magic with your Morning Ritual

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In the last few months I have massively upped my commitment to my morning ritual and all I can say is how I feel each day, and the results I’m seeing have been f**king epic!

Magical is right, there is 100% magic in creating and following a morning ritual everyday. Before you start rolling your eyes and clicking away, let me tell you it doesn’t need to take hours! It can take just 6 tiny minutes – I think we can all set aside 6 minutes in the morning to fill our selves up and set ourselves for fabulous, creative, successful days.

My initial inspiration for my morning ritual was taken from the book, The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. Hal outlines 6 elements to the miracle morning:

  1. Meditation
  2. Gratitude
  3. Affirmations
  4. Visualisation
  5. Reading
  6. Exercise

Perhaps you have already figured out how you can fit it into 6 minutes…? Yes – you spend one minute on each. This is great for super busy days, parents with kids up at the crack of a sparrows fart, whilst travelling etc. etc. However I do invite you to give each step a little more time when you can.

Below I will break it down for you and give you a few practical tips to make it super easy to kick start your days with magic and miracles.

  1. Meditation – if you are daunted by this – don’t be, find a short You Tube meditation, or download one online – there are thousands you can get for free. Have it handy on your phone so you can put it on first thing when you wake up, before you get out of bed. (If you share your bed – that’s what headphones are for :-))
  2. Gratitude – write down, or list in your head, 3 things you are grateful for and try to feel that sense of grateful wellbeing flood over you. Some days it’s trickier than others, but I bet can you find 3 little things. Mine are sometimes as simple as my bed, my fluffy cats and my warm home.
  3. Affirmations – these are ‘I am’ statements in the present tense which remind you to keep up with something or command something new into your reality. E.g. I am happy and high vibe or I am earning £X each month. The trick with these is to write them down and have them somewhere close by so you can remember them easily. 3 – 5 is a good number.
  4. Visualisation – this is the fun part! Don’t worry if you’re not a very visual person, you can still close your eyes and do this and it will be effective. You can visualise how you want to feel today, bringing that feeling into your body. You can visualise a specific event or circumstance, for example being pregnant or holding your new baby. It is limitless! The trick here is to really feel how would feel if that vision was your reality right now.
  5. Reading – just a few pages of a good, educational book. My absolute favourite for this is The Power of Awareness by Neville Goddard. It was written a long time and has lots of bible references but it is so short, so clear and to the point. I read it over and over again in these bite sized chunks.
  6. Exercise – so this is the point at which I get out of bed! This can be whatever you like – most recently I have added a bedroom dance party into my exercise and it is now my favourite part! Create a playlist of your favourite up beat tracks and dance around your room, sing along for extra good vibes! I also do yoga, running, walking, at home toning fitness – whatever you like – just don’t skip it.

A few general tips when starting out…

  • You can start with just 1 or 2, set yourself to succeed by not taking on too much, then bring in the rest when you’ve created a habit.
  • Create a visual of your morning routine and put it by your bed – I have one in pretty colours with all my affirmations and the list of practices so there is no way I ‘forget’ to do one.
  • Do not beat yourself up if you don’t succeed in completing your morning routine everyday from day 1! Give yourself break, understand that creating a new habit takes discipline and work, and re-commit.

I am so excited for you to get started, or re-commit to your magical morning ritual, I know it will raise your vibration, get you feeling excited and positive, keep front and centre in your mind what is most important to you – and the results will start to show up in your life.

Sending love xx

Loosening your grip…

Hands

I have been noticing an interesting fact recently – we can hold more in our hands if they loosely open than when they are gripping tightly. In a practical sense, this is true. I noticed it when I was preparing my epsom salt bath, I tend to add epsom salts to my bath almost every day, I find it clears away the stagnant and cluttered energy and soothes my body – I love it! So I bought a HUGE tub of epsom salts which is a couple of feet from the bath, so to add the salt to the bath I pick it up in my hands. To start with I grabbed a handful closed my fist around it to carry it to the bath. After doing this a couple of times I realised I wasn’t being effective (I like a lot of epsom salt in my bath!). So I tried to hold my hand in the gesture of receiving, as you can see in the picture, and pick up the salt this way. I could hold so much more and was much more efficient! Hallelujah!

I know what you’re thinking..wtf is she talking about?! And why do I care about her ‘salt tub to bath’ life issues? Well because it struck me that it was such a good lesson for our lives as a whole; when we grab at the things we want, when we try to hold onto them very tightly, the amount (abundance) we can hold is much more limited than when we open our hands to receive in an open and relaxed way.

We can apply this to so many areas of our lives, when we hold on super tight in a relationship for example we often experience the other person moving away a little as the energy we are putting out is a little grasping. If we are in sales and we are hounding people to commit to a call or a purchase, as if our lives depended on it, they tend to back off because the vibe we are giving out is off-putting and annoying.

Similarly if we are working on manifesting and creating what our heart’s desire in our lives the more we hold on tight to the specific outcome we want, the more the universe backs away because our energy is pushing it away. However if we keep our intention strong and our vision consistently clear AND allow our energetic hands to be open, we receive even more abundance than we had imagined.

This is a lesson for me, as much as it for you. It seems counter to so much of what we are taught and what’s in the media in the West ‘hustle, hustle, hustle’ and ‘chase after what you want’. But it’s such an important lesson to learn and practice in order to allow our dreams to be made manifest through us.

The magic is in setting your intention, clearing the space to receive it (e.g. getting rid of old negative beliefs and thought patterns), taking inspired action and letting go of your attachment to the outcome; holding your hands out to the universe in a gesture of receiving, having faith that what you seek is seeking you, rather than grasping at what you want and squeezing the life out of it.

Photo credit: Dollar Photo Club

Just because you’re doing nothing, doesn’t mean nothing is being done


My very special mentor once said to me ‘just because you’re doing nothing, doesn’t mean nothing is being done’. This phrase has been playing over and over in my head recently; it means we don’t only have to rely on our own individual actions or power to create and experience life, we have the whole universe to support us. 

This concept is pertinent at the moment because I’m in a place where I need to wait, be patient and be very gentle with myself, rather than steaming ahead taking bucket loads of action. Don’t get me wrong, taking action is essential and wonderful, but there are also times when it’s in our highest good to step back and slow down to create space and a sense of peace. Even if we want to create something amazing and huge, you could argue especially if you want to create something huge, allowing space for the universe to birth it through you is a key part of the manifestation process. 

I have been talking about this with one of my clients recently; she is creating a beautiful, soulful business and she feels guided to slow down and drop into the feminine energy of allowing, rather than the masculine energy of pushing. I can totally relate; I’m a doer, proactive and if there’s a problem or a goal I want to ‘do’ something about it. Doing makes me feel like I’ve achieved something, like I’m moving forward, like I’m a little bit more deserving of what it is that I want. But at this time I’m being strongly guided to ‘do’ less and ‘be’ more. 

Some of the things I do to create space and slow down are; watch tv for as long as I feel like, take a walk with no destination and in no hurry, take my time to cook a beautiful meal just for me, lie on my bed with my cats doing nothing, meditate, practice yoga, read a novel, have a bath with no distractions, daytime naps (my favourite!). 

Sometimes doing less and giving myself time to just do nothing, or do things which feel good but are unproductive in a practical sense, feels very uncomfortable for me. My mind can start to get anxious that I haven’t done enough, that I’m missing an opportunity, that there’s no forward motion. When I do allow myself space, time and stop doing for a while, I can feel my creativity blossoming and all the cells in my body start to hum with a contented peacefulness. It feels good! And feeling good is the best possible space from to attract what you most want into your life, according to the Law of Attraction.

It takes a little faith, patience and surrender to really create the space inside of you, and in your life, for the universe to come along and fill it up with more than you could have ever imagined. Not to mention you get to feel like you’re on a bed of marshmallows surrounded by chocolate fountains of ease and grace along the way 😉 

📷 credit The Londoner 

Guides, change and butterflies 

Butterflies signify change or spiritual transformation. The Native Americans associated change and vibrancy with butterflies because of the incredible transformation they undergo from caterpillar to chrysalis to beautiful, winged butterfly.

I’ve been seeing a lot of butterflies recently; on cards, in the park, carvings on benches and all sorts. To me this is a message from my guides that change is coming, and is needed. Change can be scary and unsettling, however the sight of a darting, colourful butterfly reminds me that change can also be magical and create a sense of freedom for me. A much desired freedom! 

All you need to do is ask your guides for guidance, ask them for a sign, to gain their support. Then be open and present to notice it when it comes. If you have a decision to make or a problem you’re turning over and over in your head, ask for the support of the universe and your guides to show you which direction to move in. 

You don’t need to know what all the animals in the world signify, or anything in particular, they will send you signs that you can understand. They won’t always seem logical, however, and it’s up to you to follow the guidance of you choose. Repeating signs are a clear message from your guides, such as me seeing butterflies everywhere. 

Try it – ask your guides to support you – see what happens… 

With so much love, Gemma 💖

How do you manifest your dream life? 


Do you ever have the feeling that you’re on a merry-go-round and not really getting any closer to what you really want? That it feels just out of reach; the job, the relationship, the ideal body?

If I were to ask you to explain to me exactly what it is you desire, what it looks like, what it feels like – would you be able to tell me? So often we have an idea of what we want e.g. A family or a well paid job. But we are not very clear on exactly what that is.

When we give our ‘order’ for what we most want in life to the universe we must be very clear and specific. Imagine going to a restaurant and placing your order with the waiter like this ‘I’d like something warm, perhaps cheesy, moderately healthy and I want to feel full after I’ve eaten it’. With this vague order you could end up receiving anything from a burger to cheese on toast or a ploughmans. This principle is the same when are making our ‘orders’ from the universe, if we are vague and unsure the universe gives us vague and unsure. It’s essential that we get very specific and clear about what our dreams are.

Getting clear can be a scary process, especially if you’ve been hurt or experienced failure in that area of life before. It feels like you’re putting yourself on the line and making yourself vulnerable to disappointments if it doesn’t work out. It feels safer to stay vague and not ask for the world, than it does to ask for exactly what you want and have faith the universe will guide you towards it. Think about it, are you ok to live your life like the restaurant example? To take a gamble that you might like what you get, or you might not?

The key is to get specific, paint a picture for the universe, write it down, create a vision board. I know it can feel scary, but it’s so worth it isn’t it? Start by choosing one area of your life and write down what your dream is in that area. For example if it’s your career it could go something like this…’I love working from wherever I choose on my business. I wake up in the morning feeling energised and excited to get started on my work and make a difference in people’s lives…’ Write in the present tense, as if it’s your current reality, this helps to convince your mind and subconscious that it is a reality – we are literally writing it into being.

The most effective way to manifest is to connect a strong emotion to your dream. We’ve all experienced how passion can achieve far more than neutrality, take Martin Luther King, look at what he created in his short life because he had passion for his dream. So as you’re writing your dream infuse it with words and scenes that elicit a strong emotion in you; love, excitement, joy. Feel the feelings in your body as you read back over it, feel free to make changes and adjustments to make it feel more emotive.

Once you are happy with your dream read it everyday, out loud if you can. Create a vision board to bring it life visually, you can even include pictures of yourself on your board. Create the scenes in your imagination as often as you can, feel the feelings of gratitude and joy for living out your dream. And of course be open to guidance and signs for actions to take in order to move closer and closer to your dream. It can be fun! The more you bring your vibration and feelings in line with those of your dream, the more you will naturally attract it into your reality.

Think of your life as the canvas and you are the painter, or your life is a book and you are the author, you hold the creative power to bring it to life in which ever way your heart desires.

The top Life Coaches and personal development gurus do this…


I’ve been loving that Super Soul with Oprah is now a Podcast! Listening to the best in the business share their experiences and wisdom while going about my day is one of my favourite things to do.

Listening to Tony Robbins, Life Coach extraordinare, and Iyanla Vanzant, creator of The TV show Fix My Life and incredible speaker, they both focused on the same practice at the core of spiritual growth and living in alignment with your true purpose…connecting with your heart (your intuition, God, the universe). One of my mentors, Sonia Tully, has taught me a very similar practice that I use all the time to get guidance and I love it because it’s quick, easy and so clear.

Tony describes choosing something in your life that you’re struggling with at a level of 7 out of 10. Closing your eyes and putting your hand on your heart and bringing to mind 3 separate experiences you are grateful for e.g. The birth of your child, achieving a goal or a special time with friends. Then once you’ve got yourself into the state (vibration) of gratitude you ask your heart what to do about the problem you are facing and listen for the guidance.

Iyanla talks about being in the God space in prayer, feeling completely connected and at one with creation. She emphasises that your intuition is key to the choices you make and is how we receive guidance from God. Oprah says if you’re out of alignment with your higher purpose God hits you first with a pebble, then if you don’t listen the rock gets bigger and bigger until it’s a boulder. This is a metaphor for the intuitive nudges we get that we ignore, for example if you bring on a new business partner you may have some misgivings but ignore them. Then a few things start to go wrong in your business, but you soldier on. Eventually the business may fail and you go bankrupt (the boulder!). This is not a punishment from God or the universe, it’s purely because that situation or relationship, in the form it’s in, it’s untenable for you and out of alignment with your deepest desires. So eventually it has to break down completely if you don’t listen and act on the red flags.

Sonia, my mentor, teaches a beautiful tool called ‘My heads says….and my heart says….’ Choose something your worried about or struggling with, then speak out loud ‘my head says….’ and say all the thoughts and stuff your head is saying to you e.g. I’m not sure I can do this, am I good enough? What will they say? Etc. Then take a deep breath, put your hand on your heart and tune in – then say ‘my heart says…’ and allow the words to come naturally. Can you feel the difference in energy of your head and your heart? What do they both feel like?

I love that there is so much emphasis on how essential it is to connect to your heart and your intuition. That is the space we create from and heal in.

Sending love ❤️

Image credit: upliftconnect.com