Most of us have heard this, right? That your relationships are a reflection of yourself…but what does that actually mean for you? And how can knowing this help you, and your relationships?

Firstly, how we feel about ourselves, how we treat ourselves and how we talk to ourselves is very often mirrored by the people we choose to be in relationships with. That means we actually set the stage for how we are treated by others. For example if we don’t value ourselves very highly and our internal dialogue is negative, it is very likely the people around us will treat us in just the same way. The treatment we tolerate from ourselves, even if it’s subconscious, leads to us to attracting and tolerating the same type of treatment from others.

Secondly, from a spiritual perspective relationships are fertile grounds for growth and soul learning. We attract, and are attracted to, partners whose wounds match and/or compliment our own. In this way a partner can throw a spotlight on areas and issues within ourselves that need healing, the sneaky part of this is that we often see our partner as having the issue and want to change them, rather than taking a long hard look at ourselves. For example through my conditioning I learned to be over-giving which leads to exhaustion and depletion, I connected with a partner who through his conditioning tended towards being a taker. Over time I gave & gave & gave and he took & took & took until I had nothing left to give. I was deeply drained and at first blamed him for taking so much, when really it was only in my control to stop over giving, not his. I was then able to heal this part of me and consciously choose a different pattern of behaviour.

Thirdly, and I learnt this through personal experience, a large part of our experience in close relationships is actually us experiencing ourselves. This ties in perfectly with the concept of the relationship being a mirror. When we lose a relationship we miss that person terribly, we miss how we felt and we miss the experience we had of that connection. However, much of what are missing is available when we are in close and loving relationship with ourselves. Funnily enough this is especially true if you, like me, were living out patterns of codependency in your relationship as you were more than likely giving well over 50% of the energy to the union. This was a huge source of hope when I was grieving a lost relationship.Our first relationship is with ourselves and spending time and energy to nurture this relationship is where so much juicy goodness lives.

Having the awareness that so often our relationships mirror ourselves right back to us is all we need as a starting point. From there you can observe the patterns of behaviour you both engage in and where you are blaming (and what that could possibly mean about you, rather than your partner)…this is all such useful insight and information for your understanding of yourself, for your own personal development and for the growth and harmony of your relationships. And ultimately your relationship with yourself is the start, end and middle of it all – so make that your priority and the rest will follow.

Sending love xx

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