Are you fulfilling your purpose?

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Yup, we’re going deep with ‘life purpose’ – are you ready?

Let’s talk about your purpose relating to your career, business or work life. My purpose has related to my career and my businesses for as long as I can remember…starting with choosing to study Psychology at University, followed by setting up my first yoga business a couple of years later…and here I am even more years later running two businesses:

  1. Intuitive Life Coach & Yoga Teacher
  2. Marketing Consultant

The road to get here was not paved with gold, nor always clearly sign posted (or even at times in any way enjoyable). I think there is a misconception around living, and working for, your life’s purpose in that it should be glittery, sweet smelling and full of unicorns and fairies welcoming you through each doorway. My experience has been of unicorns and fairies at times and feeling like I am climbing Everest on my own and am probably going to collapse before I make it even half-way – and everything in between. And – that is OK! It is not meant to be easy all the time.

Your life’s work, just like your close relationships, is a juicy and potent area for spiritual growth and development. You could say your career/ business is a reflection of yourself and looking at what is and isn’t working is a useful exercise. I absolutely adore talking about and working on this area of life because it is you and you and you – your creativity, your big dreams, your holding space, your abundance, your everything! It really can be a beautiful love story with your soul’s purpose and your higher self.

So, my love, lets get into the nitty gritty…here’s a couple of questions to help you consider where you are on the journey of your purpose:

  1. How do you feel about your current career/ business/ side gig? You don’t need to be working full time on your life purpose – so many people tie themselves up in knots about this! For example I have been a full time yoga teacher previously, and I loved it at the time, but it also felt like I was constantly giving away something that was very close to my heart. Now I only teach choice classes and workshops and I get to keep my practice mostly for myself, which feels perfect for right now.
  2. Can you say/ write down your purpose in 2 sentences? If you are a ‘hell yes’! Congrats and power to you my friend! If not, you are not alone or in any way less than – it just means you are at a different point on your soul’s journey – and you know what they say – it’s about the journey and not the destination.
  3. Can you give 3 examples of the impact your work on your purpose is having? (In your life and the lives of others.) If you wanna answer these questions in the comments please do – I would LOVE to hear them. So, impact – that’s what we’re all about right? And if your purpose is only impacting you now, & forever, that is more than enough – we are responsible for the energy we bring to the world and if you are showing up, doing the healing work and loving yourself hard – you’re way ahead of most, my love. If you are impacting others – wonderful!

Why does this even matter? I hear a small voice in your head asking… Well, because when our souls decided to come and live these beautiful and brutal lives they deeply wanted to express themselves, and learn and grow, and love and be loved. This is the expression part…repressing it doesn’t go down well. People have been known to get sick when they are not living in alignment with their soul’s purpose, or allowing it to be expressed through them in any way. For example autoimmune diseases etc. Whether or not health is affected it is very likely to affect your happiness and feelings of being fulfilled and reaching your own potential.

I hope these kernels of info and insight have set alight a fire of curiosity within you – keep asking questions, keep exploring your answers and keep the passion alive.

Sending love to you xxx

 

 

Relationships are mirrors of yourself

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Most of us have heard this, right? That your relationships are a reflection of yourself…but what does that actually mean for you? And how can knowing this help you, and your relationships?

Firstly, how we feel about ourselves, how we treat ourselves and how we talk to ourselves is very often mirrored by the people we choose to be in relationships with. That means we actually set the stage for how we are treated by others. For example if we don’t value ourselves very highly and our internal dialogue is negative, it is very likely the people around us will treat us in just the same way. The treatment we tolerate from ourselves, even if it’s subconscious, leads to us to attracting and tolerating the same type of treatment from others.

Secondly, from a spiritual perspective relationships are fertile grounds for growth and soul learning. We attract, and are attracted to, partners whose wounds match and/or compliment our own. In this way a partner can throw a spotlight on areas and issues within ourselves that need healing, the sneaky part of this is that we often see our partner as having the issue and want to change them, rather than taking a long hard look at ourselves. For example through my conditioning I learned to be over-giving which leads to exhaustion and depletion, I connected with a partner who through his conditioning tended towards being a taker. Over time I gave & gave & gave and he took & took & took until I had nothing left to give. I was deeply drained and at first blamed him for taking so much, when really it was only in my control to stop over giving, not his. I was then able to heal this part of me and consciously choose a different pattern of behaviour.

Thirdly, and I learnt this through personal experience, a large part of our experience in close relationships is actually us experiencing ourselves. This ties in perfectly with the concept of the relationship being a mirror. When we lose a relationship we miss that person terribly, we miss how we felt and we miss the experience we had of that connection. However, much of what are missing is available when we are in close and loving relationship with ourselves. Funnily enough this is especially true if you, like me, were living out patterns of codependency in your relationship as you were more than likely giving well over 50% of the energy to the union. This was a huge source of hope when I was grieving a lost relationship.Our first relationship is with ourselves and spending time and energy to nurture this relationship is where so much juicy goodness lives.

Having the awareness that so often our relationships mirror ourselves right back to us is all we need as a starting point. From there you can observe the patterns of behaviour you both engage in and where you are blaming (and what that could possibly mean about you, rather than your partner)…this is all such useful insight and information for your understanding of yourself, for your own personal development and for the growth and harmony of your relationships. And ultimately your relationship with yourself is the start, end and middle of it all – so make that your priority and the rest will follow.

Sending love xx

 

 

 

 

Image credit: Pinterest

Anxiety

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Anxiety sneaks up on all of us at some time or another, it can be a niggling irritation or it can be utterly debilitating, and anything in between. It doesn’t feel good and persistent feelings of anxiety can have many detrimental effects, such as exhaustion, panic attacks, phobias, feeling paralysed, lack of sleep, feeling out of control and feelings of helplessness.

The most simple way I can explain how anxiety feels is ‘I’m not OK, this situation is not OK and it’s not going to be OK’. Even if we can rationalise how those statements are not really true, it doesn’t necessarily change the feeling.

Anxiety made itself known to me in my late teens and early twenties, for a number of years I didn’t understand why I was terrified of public speaking, why I hated being the centre of attention in a conversation and why I crossed the road when I unexpectedly spotted someone I knew out and about. I thought there was something wrong with me, that I was innately lacking and was unable to function in these ways, the ways I saw other people being completely comfortable with and thriving in. It wasn’t until it was so unbearable that I took myself to my University GP and blurted it all out in a jumble of words and tears. Thankfully he was very supportive and explained it sounded like social anxiety, and perhaps general anxiety disorder too. I was so relieved to have a name for what I was feeling! To know that I wasn’t alone and that there were ways to improve my situation.

Although I ran from my feelings for another year or two…I travelled around the world and when I got to the other side I realised in one profound moment in Australia, looking out to sea, that I had gone as far away as I could and I had brought every part of myself with me. There was no escaping my feelings, there was no escaping anxiety and, more to the point, there was no escaping myself. I had become very good at escaping my feelings since my early teenage years…I learnt to smoke weed, and later to drink alcohol, to numb out the sensations.

Once I had the realisation that anxiety was in me and changing what was outside of me had no impact… I took the first few fumbling steps on my path of facing myself, being honest about my feelings and healing. It was messy, it was painful and it was scary. At that time asking for help with mental health issues was much more stigmatised than it is now (thank goodness we have come so far!), but I stood strong and found myself a psychologist who helped me with a programme of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). By this time the anxiety was so crippling I was taking beta blockers on a daily basis (a very strong medication which stops the physiological response to anxiety inducing stimuli). The therapy was very helpful, but there were numerous other factors that played just as big, if not bigger, role in my healing from anxiety at that time.

In addition to CBT I started doing yoga regularly which was made a huge impact, I was also drawn to Eastern spirituality and psychology, it was a whole new world for me and it resonated strongly. I decided to quit my job and go to India for a month to do a yoga teacher training course. In the week before I left I was drinking and smoking, I had got drunk in the pub one night and my bag got stolen, I had to get the locksmith to let me into my house in the middle of the night, I felt so ashamed and awful that I had let this happen. I was running around like a headless chicken, anxiety raging, trying to get myself together for my trip.

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The training was held at an ashram and there was strictly no substances and a full on schedule of learning, spiritual practice and yogic food (only two meals a day!). The first two weeks were like the detox from hell! And after that I started to feel pretty good, actually pretty great! I stopped taking my beta blockers and started to feel at ease and at peace much more of the time. At the end of the month I felt better than I could ever remember feeling – I had so much energy, I had no desire to alter my state in any way because my natural state felt so damn good! I stopped smoking and I didn’t drink at all for months, as well as totally overhauling my diet.

Since that trip I have not experienced anxiety in the same way again, don’t get me wrong I have had anxiety in different ways for different reasons, but that particular flavour of anxiety felt healed. My life, and more importantly my experience of my life, was utterly changed. There were still challenges, good days and bad, emotions etc. but I felt ‘I am OK and I am going to be OK’ deep down, which meant I approached each day from a positive perspective.

You do not need to go to India, or do a yoga teacher training, to heal the parts of yourself that are crying out for love and understanding (which is often what is underlying our feelings of anxiety in the first place). I have worked with many flavours of anxiety in my very normal life of work, home, friends etc. The major elements which were so crucial in my story can be brought into your life whatever you are doing right now. Those elements are: therapy/ coaching/ support for your internal experience, mindful and/or spiritual practices, gut health (this is huge!), gently removing the unhelpful habits you have picked up to manage the anxiety (e.g. drinking too much) and prioritising yourself and your experience.

Take the first small step, don’t try to do it all at once, start where you are and it might be messy, it might be painful, but I shit you not, it is worth it!

I am sending you so much love your journey, it is these vulnerable parts of ourselves that connect us in the deepest ways, that allows to see that we are all one in the end, and as the legend Ram Dass taught ‘We are all just walking each other home’.

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Image credit: Talkspace.com

What’s the big deal about investing your relationship with yourself?

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During a client coaching session this week I realised that in the Personal Development world we talk about ‘self-love’ and having a ‘good relationship with yourself’, and not everyone knows what we mean – and more importantly – why it is so crucial. We seem to know we should be self loving and its probably better to have a good relationship with yourself – right? 

“The relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have” – Robert Holden

I would take this concept a step further and say, your relationship with yourself is foundational for your experience of freedom & success in every area of your life.

I learnt this the hard way; I really learnt it when my marriage ended – I had been sacrificing myself and giving 150% to the relationship for so long, not considering what damage it was doing to me, thinking I could go on doing this for as long as it takes. It turns out I was wrong – it was unsustainable – and when it all came crashing down what was I left with…that’s right – MYSELF! The exhausted, depleted, uncertain, anxious sweet soul that tried so hard but didn’t invest deeply in my relationship with myself.

I lost so much during that time: my husband, my home, my job, my friends, so many possessions – it was a crazy amount of loss – which only highlighted that what I was left with was… me. I had to learn that I was enough, just me; that actually what made up much of the specialness in my marriage was also me, as I was the one putting in much of the effort & taking much of the responsibility – the love & shining light that felt so good and special was mostly a reflection of me, shining back at me.

It was for sure a spiritual experience in which there was no way I was getting out until I had learned this lesson: you MUST love yourself and you MUST nurture your relationship with yourself in order to create a strong, supportive platform from which to swan dive into the outside world, in all its glory and all its gore. I remember being in so much pain in the aftermath of the separation from my ex husband, trying to come to terms with it, looking in the mirror and thinking ‘there is no way out of this body – I am stuck here for the rest of this life – so I can either fight it/ try to escape it or I can deeply accept and love it’.

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When we have difficult feelings or difficult experiences we often try to escape ourselves, to exist somehow outside of or above our bodies and our current experiences. There is no way to escape ourselves really – try as we might with drugs, alcohol, addictions, numbing, eating, not eating – we have come up with ingenious ways to flee our feelings, to ignore messages from our bodies (our bodies do not lie!) and to impose our intellectual will on our spirit. But none of them are sustainable, none of them last forever and most of them are harmful at some point – so we are left with – as I realised – making a home here, feeling what I was feeling, listening to my higher self/ my inner voice – we are asked to build relationship with ourselves – just as we would with another person.

Going back to Robert Holden’s quote – how we talk to ourselves in our own heads matters, what we say about ourselves makes a difference to how we feel, our beliefs about ourselves shape our reality and how we treat ourselves is how other people will treat us. This is why it is essential we learn to love ourselves, not just at the weekend or on holiday, but everyday. As we nurture our relationship with ourselves, just as we would a loved one, by being supportive, encouraging, using gentle and loving words and being there to give you what you need – as only you can.

If we do decide to do the work to love ourselves, and don’t get me wrong it can be serious work and challenging at times, we set ourselves up for an exquisite internal & external experience. Not only that, but the more we are willing to give to ourselves, the more the universe will match our energy and give more to us, so the more your dreams will come true, the more abundance you will have (in any and every area). So that’s why it’s so essential to love our sweet selves, sounds pretty good right?

Image credits:

Pinterest.com & https://buddybits.com

Creating FREEDOM in your work life

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As we are dragging ourselves out of the Industrial Age – the age of 9 – 5 working days, of clocking in and out, of getting paid for your time – rather than your contribution – the words freedom and career really did not go hand in hand. How that has changed, even in the last 10 – 20 years – don’t you think? I’m sure you see the ‘freedompreneurs’ and ‘mumpreneurs’ etc. all over social media – the people who previously would have been stuck in the home with their babies, or tied to their desks, are now discovering ways to make a great income and have a wonderful lifestyle at the same time – financial freedom & time freedom. That is the magic combo isn’t it – often we can create more time, but at the expense of money – and vice versa.

Creating a life of freedom, including financial and time freedom, has been a major priority for me for the last decade or so, and I have tried lots of different ways to do that – some more successful than others! Before we get into the ‘how’ I would really like to talk about the unseen aspect of creating freedom in your work life (and your bank account) – your mindset. I think one of the elements that is the most resistant to moving on from the good old days of the Industrial Age is mindset. Let me explain:

Industrial Age mindset: I work for someone else who has more money, more knowledge and more power than me. I work hard for the pay check at the end of the month. I work hard during the week so I can relax and enjoy the weekends. This is what my parents did and what their parents did, if I keep working hard in my job I will eventually ‘qualify’ for a pay rise. aIt’s someone else’s responsibility to pay me and decide how much I get paid. Issues at work are someone else’s problem.

Freedom Lifestyle mindset: I work for myself because even though I may not have as much money, knowledge or power as that person, I am valuable and I can figure out how to get where I need to be. I work hard when I need to, taking actions in alignment with my dream for my life and my core values. I will do what I need to do work wise, while I work on building up what I really want to do. I don’t work for the weekend, I want to choose which days I work and which days I don’t work. I choose where I work and where I don’t work. All issues at work are my problem, the buck stops with me, and I figure out how to solve it. I choose how much I get paid and it’s up to me to bring that money in.

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Quite a huge difference isn’t there? I am not saying either one is wrong or bad – however I am saying if you can recognise yourself in the Industrial Age mindset that is 100% understandable – we have been bred, schooled and taught how to be good, pliable and submissive employees our whole lives, so well done – you have learnt exactly what you were meant to learn. This is why so often we need a radical mindset shift, including weeding out old beliefs and creating new freedom supporting beliefs, in order to step out of the traditional life path and choose the seemingly riskier other options.

If you are thinking, the freedom lifestyle sounds awesome, I want me some of that – you are not alone and excellent that you have identified that. Now you get go on the exhilarating, out of your comfort zone, sometimes scary, wildly fulfilling journey of designing your work life to be just the way you want it to be. This journey, like most, is not usually a straight line – there are twists and turns and 2 steps forwards followed by 3 steps back – but damn it’s worth it!

You know me, before you start rushing off to Google how to make your millions while sitting on the beach sipping cocktails – I want you to check in with your heart and tune into your imagination (which is very much a part of your intuition) to feel and visualise what your life of freedom looks like. What is important to you, what are your values around your work, what impact do you want to have. Then leap into action and see what exciting opportunities are out there – taking the step to be internally guided before you are bombarded by ideas and sales messages from the external world will help you to stay on your path, to choose what’s meant for you.

I am so excited for your journey and I would love to hear how you’re getting on – the successes and the failures – because I have had lots of both and they are both so valuable – you can 100% do this – you have everything you need.

If you would love to be coached by me, for £0, yes for FREE, as an Intuitive Life Coach and serial entrepreneur, I got what you need my friend…come and join myself and my gorgeous friend Life & Career Coach Jo Garside for our 3 Week Group Coaching Masterclass called – Upgrade the Shi**y Bits of Your Beautiful Life [And Feel Awesome in the Process]

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At home ‘rehab’ for anxiety & life trauma

Yup, you heard me right – rehab for anxiety & life trauma – that’s what we’re talking about.

There is no heroin in this story, but there is addiction. There is no horrifically shocking event, but there is anxiety & trauma. There are no visits to The Priory, but there is a cottage in the countryside with a cat.

At the end of 2018 I was seriously struggling, my anxiety levels were crippling and the Christmas period was one of the worst ever. Since the trauma of my marriage ending nearly 4 years ago, swiftly followed by a year in bed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I had been working hard on my healing and recovery. My nervous system was so strung out for so long (even before the end of my relationship), couple that with being an ambitious woman rebuilding my life from zilch/ zero/ nada and throw in a few more seriously challenging life events over the following years – and the result is a very messy, extremely anxious, struggling through each day version of me.

It was hard and it was horrible. I only really realised the extent of the spiral I had swung down over Christmas, so I went to my doctor in early Jan and asked for help – I wanted Diazepam (quick fix chill drug) and he said no (the correct answer, as it is very addictive). He also said come back in a month. Which at the time felt a little like I had been left out in the cold, literally, as it was the first week in January. Until I picked myself up, reminded myself I am an extremely talented and experienced Intuitive Life Coach with a huge box of excellent life skills & tools – so I embarked upon my own personal, self prescribed ‘rehab’ – and I am very pleased to tell you – it worked – a treat!

While my house in London was being renovated I moved into my Mum’s cottage in Oxfordshire = peace, time alone & space (not mention my actual Mum & Saintly Step-Dad) – perfect! I devised a programme to heal my hideous anxiety, build my physical fitness, feel good about myself & my life, develop much better boundaries & stop vaping – a little addiction I had fallen for as a much loved crutch through all the above. Now we are only 4 months on and how I was feeling, and my life choices then, feel like a lifetime ago – it literally feels like I was a different person, because in many ways I was. I was being overwhelmed by my trauma behaviours and a racing, fearful mind – whereas now I have shifted the balance so I choose how I feel, I choose what I do, I am the powerful creator of my life, not the helpless victim.

Here is a list of what my at home ‘rehab’ consisted of in those first few weeks and months:

  1. I stopped drinking alcohol for a period of time and read Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington – I had slipped into drinking regularly to numb my feelings – never a healthy place to be.
  2. I step-by-step reduced the nicotine in my vape until it was at zero, then I ran out of vape liquid one day and stopped completely. (This was over a period of months.)
  3. I created a very simple morning routine – starting small. The worst time for the anxiety was often in the morning, it would envelop me as soon as I woke up; thinking of all the negative & scary possibilities, what could go wrong and worries about the day ahead. I got into the habit of thinking from my Chronic Fatigue mindset – that I couldn’t get through the day, that each task was too big and tiring to surmount – and this was not my reality anymore, but my mind had not moved on from it – it was holding onto the pattern of trauma thought. My morning ritual allowed me to interrupt this habit & thought pattern and instead choose how I started each day. It included:
    • 5 mins meditation
    • 10 mins yoga
    • 3 things I am truly grateful for (no lip service here – gotta really feel it)
  4. I had weekly therapy sessions with a counsellor – this was vital to understand what patterns of behaviour and thought had contributed to my downwards spiral – and the support and space to express my feelings with no judgement.
  5. I created some very clear boundaries around areas of life that had been draining my energy and causing more trauma and pain.
  6. I shared my ‘rehab’ experience by spending time with trusted friends and family members – the inner circle.

Sounds fun right?! It wasn’t that fun, but it also wasn’t that hard either, I had lots of support and took each step slowly, bit by bit. Very quickly I started to feel the benefits of committing to my at home ‘rehab’, I started to push past my comfort zone a little more, each step forward I took gave me a bit more confidence, a bit more energy and bit more lust for life.

I share this with you to be vulnerable and show you that we all struggle, even if we keep it private at the time. Also to show that we all have what we need within us to heal and create the life experience we most want. I happen to have had thousands of hours of experience and knowledge this area – so I could DIY-this-shit-baby – but maybe you need someone to help you set up your healing programme. And you don’t need to be ‘sick’, the Doc can even send you away and you still might need a whole heap of healing, love and care – you can give it to yourself & you can ask for it from others. If I hadn’t fully committed to this programme, and many steps after the list above ended, I would be no further forward than I was in January, and I would probably have been prescribed some medication that I don’t really need.

Now I am doing so well – I am finally getting back to peak fitness – going to the gym 5/6 times a week – eating clean – no vaping – loving my work – loving my family & my peeps – lots of fun & travel. I have taken huge leaps forward in healing from my anxiety and moving on from my trauma patterns – it feels like FREEDOM and it’s awesome.

Sending love xx

 

 

 

 

Which of the ‘3 Kinds of Love Relationships’ have you had?

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I love reading articles about relationships, delving into info about romantic relationships is definitely the juiciest. Some time ago I read about the concept of the Three Loves we have in our lives and I like it, it certainly rings true for me – as in it’s the story of my love life! How does it fit with your romantic history?

The idea is the first love is a young love (I don’t think each of the three loves are connected to only one person, although that may be the case for you) ‘This is the naive kind of love, the impractical, movie-esque type of love.Nadia Makorova describes this kind of love as the one you see plastered all over social media, gushing about each other, wanting the relationship to appear magical and perfect to the outside world.

The second of kind of love is the hard love (who can relate?!?!). This is the love that teaches us the hard lessons that our souls have come to learn in this lifetime – and it hurts like hell! This love often involves emotional manipulation…’The second love is usually unbalanced and unhealthy and can be selfish and narcissistic. Due to these facts, there is almost always drama, and you become trained to think that it is your fault.

Can I get an ‘AMEN SISTA’ from all of you who can relate to this? Oh my, oh yes, 100%. And there’s more…’Yet, instead of giving up on the relationship, you hang on, thinking that one day suddenly everything will change and they will realise how desperately they love you. This emotional swing of extreme highs and lows is exactly what keeps us addicted to this kind of unhealthy relationship. We push through the lows, no matter how bad they are, to get a slight tingling feeling from those wonderful highs.’ I lived in this painful, wonderful, crazy second kind of love for years – this can be the long terms lovers, the husbands, the fathers of your children – it can get messy as all hell – but the lessons you need to learn about yourself will be burnt into you from the flames of this extreme type of love. It’s here that we learn what we need in relationship, and often in life. What we want from a partner, and what is unacceptable.

The third love is one we never expected and still can’t really believe is happening, is working and is so happy! Often this love is with a kind of person you have not dated before and it works surprisingly well, it just doesn’t end, there are no big issues, it’s easy and it mostly feels good – crazy right?!?! ‘Sometimes, you’re not happy. Sometimes, they are not happy. But that doesn’t mean that it is the end of the relationship. You come together with your unhappiness and try to solve it.’ And you do what it takes to resolve it. ‘Because that’s what love is, it’s making things work because you love one another and want to be together.’

This is the love I am in now and it is so different from the first and second, there is peace, there is space, there are grounded choices and there is grown up respect. It doesn’t have the magical thinking of the first, it doesn’t have the huge adrenaline rushes of the second, but it does have the consistency, care and tenderness that is required to build and nurture a beautiful, nourishing, awesome life.

I would like to add that just because someone was a first or second kind of love for you, that doesn’t in anyway take away from how you felt or feel about them. You may well love them deeply and cherish many things about them – which is wonderful! I think this framework helps us understand the purpose of the relationships we go through, and to show us where we might be on the journey. I also think you can have many second types of love, and perhaps some of us never get past the second, or even first type by reliving the same type again and again with different people.

Which of these kinds of love have you experienced, and what did you learn?

Image credit: http://www.southernliving.com
Quoted text: https://swoon.theodysseyonline.com/too-immature-for-marriage

Love and Loss

 

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Today is my birthday, a time for celebration, happiness and being showered with love by those around me. It’s beautiful. As I have experienced more years on this planet and more of the interwoven tapestry of life I have realised how closely happiness and sadness live to each other. How love and loss are two sides of the same coin. On the happiest of days, like a birthday, wedding or new baby being born, we cannot help but be reminded of those we wish were still near.

This is not meant to be morbid, quite the opposite; being utterly present with what is, it is undeniable how love does not exist without loss from a human perspective. Any and everything we love will be at some point lost to our human selves, in the most extreme sense one or other will eventually die, with so many other types of loss in between.

From a universal perspective there is no loss, and love is unlimited; we are all love and whether our relationships change or one of us dies, our love continues infinitely. But our sweet human selves struggle deeply with loss and grief, my understanding is that grief is love with no where to go. As we travel through this life, love and loss are going to be our carriage mates, without doubt. So how do we move through and integrate these experiences?

The only piece of advice I am going to share is this; FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS. Feel them all, let them exist in you, let them move through you, let them devastate you when you are devastated, let them lift you higher than you could ever imagine when you are joyful. I know how scary and painful it can be, and how much we might want to escape those feelings by abandoning and numbing ourselves. Brene Brown, excellent author and researcher, did a Ted Talk in which she talked about the extreme version of any emotion, good or bad, is what triggers addicts to fall off the wagon. Isn’t that interesting? That really feeling the depth of our love AND loss feels just as uncomfortable to us. Which is why we see alcohol as the societal norm for all happy and sad occasions; why people get so drunk at weddings and at funerals. Different sides of the same coin.

There is no judgement for numbing, we have all done it in some way or another, at times it may even be essential. However I have learnt that when we allow our hard feelings to truly be felt, at an appropriate time, it hurts but there is hope and connection, and when we suppress and numb our feelings there is despair and disconnection.

This subject is on my mind as I have lost a most beloved soul in my life recently. At his memorial I adapted a poem, of unknown origin, which I would like to share with you in the hope these words may soothe you too in times of grief….

Am always with you

When I am gone, release me, let me go. I am safe and happy, I want you to know. You mustn’t tie yourself to me with too many tears, but be thankful we had such wonderful years. I gave you my love and you can only guess, how much you gave to me in happiness. I thank you for the love that you have shown, but now it’s time I travelled on alone. So grieve for me a while if grieve you must, then let your grief be comforted by trust, that it is only for a while that we must part, so treasure our memories within your heart. I won’t be far away for life goes on, and if you need me call and I will come. Though you can’t see or touch me I will be near, and if you listen with your heart you’ll hear, all my love around you soft and clear. And when the perfect time comes for us to meet again, our hearts will whisper ‘I know you’ once again.

Forgiveness is crucial to creating a life you love

forgiveness is crucial

How do you feel about forgiveness? Are there still people and situations that you are holding to resentment about? How do you feel about forgiving yourself?

The path of consciously creating a life of full of freedom and love is a continuous process of manifesting and clearing: manifesting is reaching into the future, into your vortex, to summon your desires into your reality and clearing is removing the blocks and behaviours that are keeping you stuck. Forgiveness is a clearing practice, and not necessarily an easy one.

Can you imagine that your body and your mind can hold a limited number of ideas, memories and feelings, that your body and mind are split up into different compartments containing all these experiences, and how you feel about them. Now let’s think of a happy, positive time – how does it feel in your body? To me it feels light and bright like a bunch of fairies dancing about on a breeze. Now bring to mind a bad or sad experience – how does that feel? To me it feels like a brick, weighted down with a barbell tied up with a massive anchor – heavy right? Past resentments and feelings of guilt are just that, they are heavy and weigh us down.

We can release much of that weight by letting go of the resentment, we let go of the resentment through forgiveness. Allow me to add that forgiving someone doesn’t condone their behaviour, it doesn’t mean you have to like them or have anything to do with them, it’s actually not about them at all. It’s about you.

For me the biggest challenge in the practice of forgiveness is to forgive myself. I can quite easily see how others have caused me hurt and suffering as a result of their own pain and destructive tendencies. But shouldn’t I have known better? How did I let that happen? Often I need to forgive things I have done, or decisions I have made, which have only really hurt myself.

So how do we actually forgive others and ourselves? I suggest writing a list of people, situations and/ or organisations who you still feel hurt by or resentment towards, this is usually quite an easy list to make as these experiences stay relatively fresh in our minds (taking up valuable space that we want to fill with beautiful thoughts and dreams and images of unicorns :-)). Going over the list though may not be so easy, it may bring up some of those old feelings and stir up emotions you have buried. Give yourself some space and lots of love during this process.

You can take one thing from your list each day and sit with it, feel the emotions, perhaps you run through the series of events in your head. Now can you start to look beyond the impact it had on you for a moment and question what was toxic, what was in pain and what was suffering in that person (or yourself) at that time? Can you start to eek out a little compassion for what pain in the other (or yourself) precipitated the pain you then experienced as a result? As I said you don’t need to condone it, you don’t need to make it OK, you can forgive things that are absolutely not OK.

You can repeat to yourself: ‘I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you’. This process may take time and some resentments and past hurts will probably take numerous intentions to forgive before you are able to fully let go. Know that each step you take on this journey to forgiveness is clearing out heavy, negative compartments from your body, and from your energetic field, in order to make space for the good, happy and delightful to come in. It is not easy, but it is 100% worth it.

 

 

If I can get through it, you can too…

In this video I share a little bit of my story, some of the darker times, because I think it’s healing for us to hear how others have suffered and come out the other side an even brighter version of themselves.

This is super vulnerable, so I am very nervous about posting!! It feels like cutting a hole in my chest and revealing my beating heart. (OK, slightly dramatic!!)

It’s my intention that you will feel my belief in you and know that you can overcome whatever obstacle is in your path, and I am here cheering you on, my love.