Connection in relationships

I’ve had a number of experiences recently which have got me thinking about how people connect to each other, or don’t connect as the case may be. 

There are times when people only seem to be able understand me from their current experience. When I share my feelings or my deep truths they take them, put them in the lens of their current life view and judge it to be right or wrong on that basis. This leaves me feeling not heard, not seen and judged. It makes me feel like I wish I hadn’t been so vulnerable, it makes me feel bad, it makes me cry and it makes me want to spend less time with that person. 

Is it possible for us to be open others (those who we deeply care about rather than just everyone with all the random energy they may bring) without projecting our own patterns on their experience? Maybe so but maybe it takes digging deeper, being more present and using more energy than simply listening. Perhaps holding space and being a witness for another takes effort and a willingness to ‘be’ with what is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. 

There have also been times when people have validated me not by just agreeing, but by seeing into me and hearing the truth of my experience, unrelated to their own. That feels like a huge relief, a precious gift and makes me value those people much more. 

I want to be someone who validates and sees people, sees their spirit and their truth. This is my practice. 

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